I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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