so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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