Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
