Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
