Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
