Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
