Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
