2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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