She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fill condoms, not promises.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
