You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
