Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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