Someone shit on the floor
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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