She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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