So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
