she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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