we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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