I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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