We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
