I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
