I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
