I hate your face
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he thought i was a dude.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
