she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i think i just lost a toe
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
