i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
