Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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