Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I intend to get homeless drunk
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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