you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
