If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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