Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
