i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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