It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
