I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
