oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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