If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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