I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
