i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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