I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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