my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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