The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
