loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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