well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
