Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
