I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
