doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
