I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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