I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Randomize
