He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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