just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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