Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
