yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
