I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
