we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
