It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
