We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
