Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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