oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
