i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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