Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
BRING THE BAGELS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
